Seasons

A child trusts in her daddy. That fact shows me how far away I am from the child-like faith mindset.

Last night, I asked if I could lead a song for large group. After I practiced with the team, so many opposing thoughts ran through my mind: Hungry is more unfamiliar to me than Climb is. This time I didn't feel this urging from God, I just acted on my own since Kimbo is not singing this week and I also helped picked songs. And above all, how could I lead people to a place that I have not been in a while? My emotions have been off lately, and I haven't been feeling anything but bitterness and sadness.

Right after worship practice, I had small group. I was so jealous and envious when I was listening to one of my girls talk about the Lord. She is going through relationship issues and her brother had to go to the ER but she had so much peace and so much faith in God. One thing she said stuck out to me "I really just wanted to rush back home and sit with God." For me, I haven't spent time with God at all the past three weeks. Sure, I've sang to Him and led small groups for Him but I have not been alone with Him.

I told my small group I was envious, and I shared about what I was going through. But Jeanette told me that there's a reason that I'm in this season and I shouldn't be jealous. Each season in nature has a purpose - spring for blooming, summer for fruitfulness, fall for harvesting, and winter for death and rebirth (I am kind of making these up haha). And likewise, the seasons in our faith each have a purpose. The season I am in right now is solidifying me, making me appreciate each season.

Also in small group, I got the image of playground swings and slides. The swing wasn't the big swing, it was the little toddler swing. I feel as if God is asking Him to trust Him. In the whole singing thing, trust that He will deliver me even if it's not something He's outright asking of me. In this mess right now, trusting that He is doing something inside of me even though I don't feel it.

It brought me back to the word Maggie had for me in small group. Yes I am in the fire, but it's only solidifying me. Trust that He is working inside